Don’t Be “That Girl” This Valentine’s Day

single valentines day

 

We all know that girl. The one who dreads Valentine’s Day because she is perpetually single and alone, while the rest of us happen to be in successful relationships. The one who complains and whines on every social media site for the entire month leading up to February 14. The one who takes out her anger, jealousy and frustration on those of us who post a photo of a pretty bouquet or receive a lovely Tiffany’s necklace for the big day.

I was never that girl. Sure, I was single for most of my time in high school (by choice), but you never heard me complain. I was always happy for my friends who had boyfriends. My Dad would usually get me a small box of chocolate or a funny light-up bear to make me feel special, which was very sweet. My inner craft diva even came out during those few years when I made my friends funny Valentine’s Day Cards. So even though I was single, I was happy and enjoyed Valentine’s Day without a bitter outlook. Basically, you don’t have to be miserable about it. I’m living proof of that- and I’m a naturally pessimistic (errr.. realistic) person.

If you know that girl, then you’re probably nodding your head in agreement saying “Yes Rachel, thank you for having the balls to be real about it!”. If you’re lucky enough to not know this girl, then you’re probably getting a good kick out of the article anyway. And if you think what I’m writing is mean, then you probably ARE that girl. Sorry.

Acting miserable because you’re single- and making it clear to the world- only makes you look worse to the opposite sex. No guy is going to want to date a girl who only ever seems to say “Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend… I want a boyfriend!” No guy likes to see a girl tear down other girls- trust me. By making rude comments on social media about those of us who ARE getting flowers only shows your insecurity- another thing guys hate. Then there’s the ones who try to turn it around and ACT secure about V-day. They’ll say things like “I don’t need a man on this stupid holiday, I’ve got mah girlz” or “Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to waste money on one another”. If you really were secure with being single, you wouldn’t need to say those things and reaffirm them to us in such an obvious way.

So here’s what you should do if you are “that girl”. Swallow your pride and realize being single isn’t terrible. Everyone has had a single Valentine’s Day before- and we’re still here living and breathing. Make the day just a regular day if that will help. If you can’t take seeing the photos and messages, stay off Facebook and your iPhone that day. Spend time with others who are single, too (do something like go to dinner, NOT something like have a “single girls” party where you get wasted and skip work the next morning). Make Valentine’s Day cards to all your friends- single and taken- showing them why you love them. And lastly, love yourself. Buy yourself a box of chocolates or flowers because let’s face it- you deserve them.

46 Comments

  1. Ha ha ha, I’m lucky enough to not have “that girl” in my life right now, but I definitely had friends like that throughout University.  They were never mean towards others who were in a relationship but they were extremely hard on themselves for not being in one.  It actually made me feel really sad for them.  Personally I think Valentine’s Day is a joke, and I’ve actually never really celebrated it with my Man.  Yes, we make sure we are together on that day, but we don’t buy each other anything or spend any money on it.  Not for me, but for a lot of people out there, V-Day either puts unnecessary pressure and expectations on a couple if they are in a relationship, or it makes you feel lonely and depressed if you are single.  However, I must admit I did pick up some glittery heart stickers (and no, I’m not 6 year old), and I am putting together cute little candy packs for my co-workers.  For me, it’s just an excuse to get a little crafty. 🙂

    1. That’s true as well- I know single women who are hard on themselves, too (especially when all of their friends are taken). I always try to tell them that it’s not the end of the world and that good things take time! And I totally agree on the craftiness- it’s my favorite part of the holiday!

  2. I’m proud to say I’m not that girl (even though I am single)! I’m honestly not a huge fan of Valentine’s day, but I don’t complain about it. I mostly just ignore it. Although I do get jealous of those who get chocolate. Might have to buy myself some this year!

  3. I don’t think I’ve ever been that girl. I’ve generally ignored it since my college boyfriend stood me up for a Valentines day date. That was about 15 years ago.

    Even now that I’m married, my husband and I have always agreed not to make it a thing. 

  4. I agree with you, “that girl” needs to cool her boots!  I always liked Valentine’s Day even when I was single.  All of the “that girl” posts on Twitter are a bit amusing though 😉

  5. Totally agree with this Rachel! Honestly, I have been that girl before, not the type to be mean to others who enjoy Vday but the type to be mopey and depressed if I spent it alone. Looking back now I realize how stupid that was. Being single is the perfect opportunity to get to know YOURSELF and be happy with who you are. Once you’re confident in you, that’s when you’ll be ready for a relationship. Thanks for being so honest about this!

    1. I think we all go through being the mopey girl- the key is to not make others feel bad for being happy/in a relationship. I know plenty of single girls who are confident and happy and not bitter, so it’s proof that they exist! Glad you enjoyed reading it!

  6. Is it bad that I am avoiding “that girl?” It’s truly so painful to listen to the whining and complaining. I give up! LOL. 

    1. Exactly! I get that being single can suck in certain situations, but just be secure with yourself and happy with yourself and you won’t be so miserable! I wish we could drill it into their heads!

  7. Ah yes, “that girl”… I knew that girl all too well for many years of my life and have cut those types of people out of my life. Harsh? Maybe, but life is much better without them! Also, just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that Valentine’s Day is always better. I love it now with my current bf, but have had HORRIBLE Vdays in the past being in a relationship, which I don’t think “that girl” thinks of either (just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean it is ideal). But yes, I think the best thing people can do if they have a hard time seeing others happy in a relationship is just to avoid social media and surround themselves with positive people!  And just be happy with who you are and what you have! 

    Great post Rachel!

    1. SO true! I’ve had some crappy V-days before (including being cheated on a week after). Everyone- single or taken- has the opportunity to make the holiday fun and happy!

  8. Loved this…way to keep it real and honest! I think this day is a little silly anyway and I am married! 😉 

  9. I definitely have “that girl” in my life. I actually look at Valentine’s Day not just as a couple’s holiday, but as a chance to show everyone in my life how much they mean to me. My best girlfriends and I get together for “Galentine’s Day” (Parks and Rec reference) and get some drinks and laugh to celebrate 🙂 

    1. So true- it’s a great holiday to celebrate no matter what your relationship status is. Love Parks & Rec and that you mentioned it! I always made cards and got candy for my girl friends in high school/college as well!

  10. I can almost cringe reading this post because I totally used to be that girl in school, especially after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend Junior year. But now I realize that February 14th is just another day and that the fact that I’m not wifed up on that particular day is no different than any other day. And I’m more secure than ever in my single-ness. I feel like everyone puts so much pressure on Valentine’s Day, whether you’re in a relationship or not, that it actually cheapens the whole thing. Since the day falls on the last Thursday of Fashion Week this year, I plan to spend February 15th with one of my good friends Justin (the only other single in my office). We’ve planned an evening of macarons, Star Wars and scotch. Doesn’t that sound fab?

    xx
    M

    1. Maria, you have a great outlook on being single (from all of your posts I’ve read about the topic). Yes, a terrible relationship or shitty V-day event can definitely change your outlook on the holiday and make you bitter, but as long as you learn from it and change, then it’s good. When I was single, I always enjoyed the holiday with friends and good food- which it sounds like you will be doing, too!

  11. I tend to stay away from social media on valentine’s day. I hate reading “that girl’s” posts but I also hate going up and down my feed and seeing a million hearts, flowers and “I love my man” posts. I love my valentine’s day with Dean, but I can’t hep but feel like social media turns everything into some kind of love competition-which isn’t what love is all about! I prefer to just enjoy my day and then head back out into the internet world on the 15th.

    1. You are very true. I debate posting photos of things I get because I know people will be jealous and catty toward me. But at the same time, I should be able to show people the nice things that those who love me get for me. It’s a very crazy concept!

  12. Ha! Sadly, I have this exact friend you describe. I wish I could send your article to her but she’d probably get mad at me and it would cause too much drama, haha! 😉

  13. When I was single my friends and I would just get all dressed up and go out for dinner/drinks..its fun to still get all cute and go out even if you aren’t in a relationship! =]

  14. The whole time I’m reading this I’m thinking about an older woman that I know who is “this girl” and my heart is breaking for her.  I think this goes back to finding happiness in your own life & then you can be happy for others, single or not.

  15. ahhh so true. I have never been like that, I love Valentines day whether I am alone/single or not! I just think its a fun excuse to eat chocolate and buy a nice bottle of wine lol

  16. I LOVE this post. I am single (and have been for the past few Valentine’s Days) but V-Day is one of my favorite days of the year. Grand romantic gestures are so incredible to watch, even when they aren’t for me. I think it is so important to celebrate love of all kinds that day, either romantic, platonic, or familial. There is nothing I hate more than girls who hate Valentine’s Day and tweet about eating ice cream alone. Get over yourself! The girls who complain about Valentine’s Day not only miss out on all of the amazing things that happen that day, but also miss out on the chance of that happening for them because they are SO negative. Who knew I had so much to say about this?! Haha! Great post, Rachel!

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