Your Mood Should Not Dictate Your Manners

 laws of a modern woman

Recently, I stumbled across the image above on Tumblr and it struck a chord with me. “Don’t let your mood dictate your manners”. Pretty poignant, right? Although I’m definitely guilty of letting my mood dictate my manners at at least one point in my life (and aren’t we all?), I think that over time I’ve learned to control it. At the same time, I’ve witnessed so many people who don’t follow this mantra, but probably should.

Being in a crabby mood is not an excuse to treat others like crap. It’s not an excuse to be rude, nasty or mean to others in order to feel better about yourself. Being in a mood should be about taking time to reflect on what made you moody and what you can do to change it. In fact, I find that when I’m in a mood, the best way to get out of it is sometimes to be alone and think it through. A good night’s sleep also does wonders. Even when I’m in the worst mood ever, I try my best not to take it out on other people.

Here’s an example. You go through a bad breakup and you’re obviously in a terrible mood where you hate all men and loathe happy couples. Then you see your close friend get into a new, happy relationship. Instead of being supportive and nice toward them, you let your mood dictate your manners and you say rude things and “shun” them from your life. This isn’t fair to the happy couple. They didn’t break  you and your boyfriend up. They don’t deserve to be hurt by the bad manners you are practicing from your own mood. Instead, you should be happy for those who have found love and use it as motivation to make yourself a better person for the next guy who comes around.

Or here’s another example. You work long hours at a job you hate and you barely make enough money to pay your rent. This puts you in one of your moods. Then a friend ends up getting a job at a great company, works shorter hours and is happy. You let your mood dictate your manners and you don’t send her a congratulations text. When she speaks about her new job, you drown out her happiness with your sorrows about yours. Instead, you should do the polite thing- use your manners and congratulate her. Ask her about her job. Maybe you will learn a thing or two and can use that to help you find a new one!

It’s safe to say that everyone gets into their own “moods”. I can be pretty stubborn for instance, and when I’m in that mood there is no way you’re telling me that I’m wrong. Or if I fail at something, like not getting picked for a job, I get into a sad mood and feel worthless. I’m not proud of these moods I get in, but I’m human. As humans, we are very moody people, but the trick is to learn how to control the moods, embrace them and fix them in order to better ourselves.

An easy way to do this is to ask your loved ones (parents, friends, significant others) what type of moods you get in. Since these people know you best, they are obviously aware of how moody you get, when you get moody and maybe even why. They can provide you with the harsh truth that you might not see- or want to admit- yourself. Take this constructive criticism and use it to change.

If you see a friend who seems to be in a mood, give her some extra attention and try to help change it. Sometimes a nice phone call, compliment or a girl’s night out can really help someone’s mood change and prevent them from letting it dictate their manners.

Have you ever let your mood dictate your manners? Or has someone acted this way towards you? How did you handle it? 


  1. I really love this quote, when I’m upset I try to isolate myself and be quiet because I really don’t want to be to anyone for no reason. When people act that way towards me I don’t take it very well as it is not fair to take your anger out on others. Life is stressful for everyone, I say that because people often make the comment that I always seem so happy but over the years I’ve learned that when you’re in a bad situation having a bad attitude will only make it worse.

  2. I am guilty of this, especially when I get super-hungry or overly-tired. It’s definitely something I need to be a little better about!

  3. I’m definitely guilty of this, especially when I’m hungry. Remember in Mean Girls, when Cady is talking about word vomit? She says that she can see people getting bored with her, but she can’t stop talking. I feel like that’s how letting your mood effect your manners is like. I can see that I’m acting poorly, but I just can’t stop! It’s definitely something that I try to be cognizant of and improve though.

  4. This is something that I’m working on. I had a counselor tell me this years ago so I’ve become more aware when it’s happening. Still I mess up sometimes. When it happens, I’ll stop and tell my family “I’m hungry/PMS-ing/tired/stressed and didn’t mean to say XYZ. Sorry, it’s not your fault.” Great article and reminder!

  5. LOVE that quote. I work really hard at trying not to let my mood effect how I treat people, and I also try hard not to let petty things put me into a bad mood in the first place… easier said than done! 😀

  6. Oh I can definitely get pretty moody and cranky! I know I’m better off having some time alone until my mood improves.

  7. I unfortunately have done this, and I still struggle with it. If I’m crabby or on a mission to get something done I can turn into a complete B word. And I usually take it out on the people I love the most. I’ve started recognizing it RIGHT away though. Like if I lash out at my bf because I had a bad day at work, I stop and immediately try to change my actions towards him and apologize, explaining why. Not saying it is an excuse to lash out at him, but at least he kind of understands at that point. So glad you wrote about this and this quote is GREAT

    1. Thanks Rachel! It does take a lot of work, but like you said- now that you realize how to change it, you can prevent it or at least fix it asap!

  8. It’s true, sometimes it can be hard not to project your own emotions/feeling onto other people. So instead of taking it out on people, I take it out on my bank account by going shopping. Just kidding.. not really. 🙂

  9. Amen sister! I am probably guilty of this at one point or another, but as soon as I read this I thought ab a friend that I had back in college who was in an awful situation with a guy (who she kept going back to even though he would show up at the restaurant she worked at with another girl or have another girl pick him up from her house) and she always found a way to get on me ab my rltshp (which was by no means perfect but still) Our friendship ended in a very dramatic way, once again surrounding her inability to put her feelings aside when it came to my rltshp. Craziness I tell ya! Very relatable post!
    PS. everytime I see you comment on someone’s blog I always think…geez shes sooo pretty! 🙂

    1. I can agree completely! I know so many people who can’t be happy for others simply because of their mood/life situation. Thanks so much for your sweet words 🙂

  10. Definitely guilty of this one once or twice. It’s so hard to control your feelings sometimes but its important to remember that others shouldn’t pay the price for how you’re feeling!

  11. Guilty. I know I do this! I try so hard not to but find myself doing it anyway. Definitely something to work on!

  12. OMG I totally agree with this quote. I am huge on rating polite to my coworkers etc when I am in a bad mood just because its not their fault! The people at the DMV really need to read this.

  13. I struggle with this sometimes, but only around people I’m really comfortable with – usually when I’ve had a rough day and I’m short with my husband. This is a great reminder!

  14. This is so true. I have a tendency to snap at my husband every now and then and I try to be apologetic when I do. Otherwise, when I get cranky, I try to avoid people all together.

  15. This is so true Rachel, especially with what happened so recently in Boston. So sad.

    Anyway, I am happy to have found your blog the last few days. I love the name to your blog, too.

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