The Art of Being De-Friended


There comes a time in everyone’s life when they face the harsh reality of being defriended. Whether it’s on Twitter, Facebook or your social media website of choice, it’s bound to happen- even to the best of us. Since it can be hard to ignore some virtual cattiness these days, the key is to learn how to react properly.

I usually don’t pay that much attention to these types of things (or I try not to, anyway). I usually find that I was defriended on Facebook when that person’s face appears on the sidebar under “People You May Know” with a button to add them as a friend right beneath it. Ouch. I also started to use online program to notify me when someone unfollowed me on Twitter a few months ago. I use this program to prevent spammers from following me (this way, I can unfollow them, report them and NOT get any of those annoying Twitter viruses that happen to so many Twitter users!)

Needless to say, I’ve gotten a few surprises. I remember back in college, my housemates and I were all defriended by a mutual friend. We ended things over a rather stupid issue, which ultimately led to her defriending all 6 of us. I won’t lie, it stung quite a bit. I had never been “defriended” before, especially by someone I was friends with for a few years. We all quickly got over it, but it was a new, hurtful-turned-comical experience for most of us.

Since that moment years ago, I’ve had a few more people defriend me. It’s usually people I didn’t even know I was friends, people who I haven’t spoken to in years or creepy guys who friend me in hopes of dating me, only to defriend me once they see I have a boyfriend. Oh the joys of Facebook. Through my own experiences, as well as those of my friends, here’s what I’ve learned about this concept.

This is the internet

Nothing that happens online should be taken THAT seriously. People get so worked up over Facebook- “Is that cryptic status about me?”, “Why did she write on his wall when he has a girlfriend”, etc. It’s just a stupid website where people post photos of their babies, try to make us think their life is full of rainbows and sunshine, and where people go to creep on their high school crushes. Seriously. Someone de-friending you on a silly website might seem like a slap in the face, but it’s not like they killed your dog or something. Yes, it stings at first because that’s human nature, but you will get over it soon after.

That person defriended you for a reason

A large majority of the time, they defriend you because they don’t want to see your stuff (otherwise, they could just make their profile private, but they chose to take the other route). Instead of taking this the wrong way, look at it from a different angle. Your photo albums of you and your boyfriend, your statuses about your great job, and your wall posts from your supporting friends were clearly upsetting this person enough for them to defriend you. Laugh at the fact that this person is so involved in your online life that they needed to defriend you so they wouldn’t have to look at your photos and statuses. The best thing you can do is laugh at that fact that your life affects someone else so much and move on.

You probably didn’t even want this person seeing your stuff anyway, so take it as a blessing.

They can’t creep on your life, copy your kick ass hairstyle, or print out your photos for their dartboard anymore. Yes, your “friend count” will be one less, but that number doesn’t mean anything anyway!

Have you ever dealt with a defriending situation? What did you do about it and how did it make you feel?


  1. Honestly I usually never notice and if I do my response is similar to the grumpy cat lol. For some reason your last 4 posts just showed up on my blloglovin, probably an issue with the rss.

  2. This post was so on point. I think people use defriending too dramatically. It’s quite funny sometimes to see how seriously people take unfollowing and unfriending and all that jazz.

    1. I agree people use unfriending someone to make a point but then add them back 10 minutes to a day later when everything is fine again.

  3. If I get defriended, I don’t notice it. I do defriend on FB because they’re people from HS that I didn’t talk to then, or now. 2-3 months later those same people are friend requesting me. Umm, didn’t you get it the first time I accepted and then defriended?

  4. I think I’ve been defriended a few times on FB, but honestly I wouldn’t even know these days who I’m friends with. I rarely get on and definitely don’t take it too seriously!

  5. Haha! I love this grumpy cat one! It is the best 🙂 And yes, I have had unfriending situations and blocking situations on FB 🙂 The most recent unfriend was from one of my boyfriend’s friends actually. I was still connected to him on Google +, which told me it was his birthday. I was like OH I should say happy bday via FB, right? WRONG. My boyfriend and I were both unfriended by him … they got in a fight a couple months before. and I was like, okay NM. I didn’t do anything to him but the association of seeing me update pictures/statuses, etc. with my boyfriend was probably why he removed me. I have had quite a few from HS unfriend me but that kind of makes me happy because I think it is just like we don’t talk anymore, so why should I be seeing pictures of your house and baby?

  6. Great post – and a nice perspective of the whole “de-friending” thing. Sometimes I get really offended by at the end of the day I realize, this is just the internet.

  7. What’s most embarrassing is when you de-friend someone, and then meet them in real life… It gets pretty awkward having to explain yourself…

  8. I have been unfriended on FB but I often don’t notice right away. My true friends are the ones that I actually hang out with.

  9. I can see who unfollows me on instagram – I don’t keep track of facebook. I typically don’t care about when people unfollow me on instagram — unless it’s a friend. I recently had a good guy friend of both me and my boyfriend unfollow me on instagram and that was pretty hurtful! My boyfriend said he probably just didn’t want to see all my fashion posts – which is probably true, but it is still pretty hurtful when it’s a friend of yours! I just unfollowed him as well. I don’t care about your life if you don’t care about mine that’s for sure!

  10. The only time unfriending/unfollowing ever hurt me was when it was done by two people that were very close friends. One was a result of something I tweeted that wasn’t even directed at the person but was taken personally and the other to this day I have no idea why. That’s the only time I’ve cared or noticed for that matter. Other than that, I really don’t care. As much as I love it, the Internet is not my (entire) life!

  11. I don’t use facebook much but some of this can definitely apply to twitter too. I never read into it much, because as a blogger people are adding and deleting me all the time. But it hurts when I realize that someone I think of as a friend unfollows me. That’s the only time it stings!

  12. It someone wants to de-friend me, I don’t care. We probably haven’t talked in a long time and it’s probably someone I knew in high school or college who just wanted a high number on their friend’s list.

  13. Great post! I was de-friended by my sister-in-law (we don’t have the best relationship with my husbands family). My husband and I just thought it was funny and ignored it. Although, it was kind of awkward at family gatherings. But then again things were awkward around them before she de-friended us. Funny thing is, just last week she asked to be my friend again. Guess she’s starting to like us again. lol

  14. I’ve been defriended before and it definitely hurt. In the end I’d rather not be their fb friend anyway!

  15. Hahaha…I definitely agree with “They de-friended you for a reason”. Although I look at it a little differently. I usually de-friend people if they post a hundred pictures of their babies or dogs. Or their statuses are TMI – I don’t want to know when the last time your baby (or dog – they’re really interchangeable) pooped! Although I did have a “friend” whose status was ALWAYS “I have the best husband in the world” and I just wanted to gag. Unfriend! (Because I clearly have the best husband in the world – duh!) haha…

  16. I don’t even know how many friends I have on facebook! I think it would be pretty hard for me to even figure out someone defriended me unless like you said, I get prompted to add them. I can easily get too into these things so I try hard not to make them the center of my life. Otherwise I definitely would take it personally. I’m much better off not even realizing!

  17. i have TOTALLY been in this situation. listen to this one. It was my brothers wife’s TWIN SISTER. AKA my sister in law’s twin. It not only happened once, but TWICE! one time after my brother & sil got married, the twin defriended me. i realized this when my neice was born– saw the twin was posting all kinds of photos so i went to her, and she was gone from my friends!! so i RE-added her, and then recently just went to send her a msg about a trip she went on, and of course, yet again, i’m off her friends list. i take that VERY personally! wtf, right?? but as far as the losers from HS that are my “friends”, yeah i tend to be like what the heck, but then i remember i do that sometimes too haha

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