Buttons Facebook Should Add

no one cares facebook

In case you didn’t hear, last week a Facebook employee revealed that they may be adding aĀ “sympathize” button in addition to the “like” button. This would be used for statuses about deaths, breakups, having a bad day, etc. Sometimes hitting “like” can seem odd depending on the nature of the status, so I understand their idea. But I think this just plays to the fact that too many people complain on Facebook and use it as their personal journal.

Sure, I don’t mind you making a tribute status to your grandmother who just passed (in fact, that’s totally sweet and I WOULD hit the sympathize button for that), but far too many people on Facebook update their status 4 times a day about mundane things that don’t deserve any sympathy. You only got a B+ on your final? You’re stuck in traffic because you chose to leave 2 hours late? You broke up with your on-again, off-again boyfriend for the third time this month? I think those don’t warrant a sympathize button, but another type of button.

So if it were up to me, here are some examples of buttons I think Facebook should go ahead and implement.

“No one cares”

Harsh? Maybe a bit. But when you’re updating your Facebook status multiple times a day about the #glutenfree meal you just made (which looks like cat poop, by the way) it can get a bit annoying. We get it- you go to the gym, you have the “best boyfriend evaaaarrrr!!!11”, or you are working a 11-4 shift at the local bar- you don’t need to update us on silly things like that. For the most part, no one cares. Save the mundane details for Twitter. Or actually, don’t.

“Nice copy & paste job”

This is for the girls who posts that tired Marilyn Monroe quote after a guy dumps them. Or the frat boy who consistently steals one-liners from well-known comedians and tries to pass them off as his own. Let’s be original here, people!

“Dictionary.com”

This button would be hit every time someone uses “loose” instead of “lose” or WrItes lyke Dis~. Don’t even get me started.

“Your life is so amazing, I wish I was you”

This ironic button is for those who tend to post photos and statuses embellishing how awesome their life is. Cut the shit- we all know you really spent your Friday night watching “Shark Tank” and eating Bagel Bites just like the rest of us. There’s no need to convince others that you have an amazing life.

“Preach it, sister”

This would be for those rare moments when someone (mainly a female) writes something that’s just SO true that “liking” the status would not do it justice.

“TL;DR”

If you post something that is more than a few sentences, no one is going to read it. Look at the IQ and reading level of the average Facebook user. If you want to post a novel about your soap opera-esque life, get a blog.

What buttons would you add to Facebook if you could?Ā 

20 Comments

  1. I love those ideas! I would totally use the dictionary.com one. I hate when people use “lyke dis” type of spelling. I mean how difficult is it to use the correct spelling of the words like and this? I think I would add the TMI button for those people who share a little too much on Facebook.

  2. This is freaking hilarious!!! The copy & paste one had me laughing out loud! I would add, “get a life” button. šŸ™‚ Just saying!!

  3. I love your no one cares idea! If I have to see one more picture of a baby that exploded its’ diaper, I may have to delete my facebook.

  4. Hahaha!!!! Yes!!! I really like the No one cares button idea. And so true…you know they’re sitting at home watching shows and eating! hah!

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